TOP TEN LIES FINANCE PROFESSORS TELL THEIR STUDENTS
- Don't sweat that poor grade on your midterm. I am certain that you'll do much better on the final.
- Come by my office any time. I'm always available.
- You can make a killing as a stockbroker.
- Don't worry if you can't remember that formula. The main thing on the test is that you grasp the intuition.
- It doesn't matter what I think; write what you believe.
- If you come to all the lectures, you'll do just fine.
- My other section is much better prepared than you guys.
- What's your problem? Any moron can understand bond pricing models.
- Don't worry about that final grade. No one will care anyway.
- Of course, I make a lot investing. I only teach so I can help young people.
From: http://www.cob.ohio-state.edu/fin/journal/lies.htm
When professors say this …They really mean this!
This needs some minor revision. (I never actually got around to reading this.)
My office hours are by appointment only. (I like to get out of here early.)
Ten percent of your grade is based on class participation. (I’ll be fudging your grades.)
This won’t be on the test. (Nap time!)
Bring the text to class. (I don’t have a clue how to lecture ... we’ll just kill time with group read-alongs.)
Talk to the department secretary. (Get lost.)
Talk to me in my office after class. (Get out of my face.)
The tests will all be multiple-choice. (I take questions directly from the study guide and have grad students do all my grading.)
Don’t come in late during my lecture. (I have the attention span of a fruit fly.)
Save your questions until the end. (See above.)
The final will be comprehensive. (I’ll expect you to recapitulate in two hours everything I couldn’t fully cover myself in 15 weeks.)
Everyone will prepare in-class oral presentations. (This course is outside my specialty—I’ll just bluff it and let YOU teach.)
There are two TAs available to help you. (I can’t be bothered.)
This year I’ll be scaling the grades. (I just passed tenure review.)
Let’s break up into quiet discussion groups. (I have a hangover.)
Let’s have class outdoors today! (I had beans for lunch.)
You won’t be able to sell back the text to the bookstore. (My contract wasn’t picked up.)
Please note the last day to withdraw. (The midterm’s gonna suck.)
The answer to number 4 is "b," and just skip number 17. (I only got around to making up the test last night.)
The second list is optional reading. (I have a rich fantasy life.)
I haven’t had a chance to make up the syllabus for this course yet. (The idiot department chair stuck me with teaching this course at the last possible minute.)
Well, it was on the syllabus. (I’ll hold you responsible for this even though I forgot about it myself.)
We’ll just skip the term paper this semester. (There wasn’t enough in the budget for a TA.)
Bring a number 2 pencil to the exam. (See above.)
Attendance is required and will be counted in your grade. (I’m so boring that no one would show up otherwise.)
Read chapters 5 through 10. (I’m not coming in at all next week.)
We’ll have to cover this chapter quickly. (I screwed up the lecture schedule.)
Let’s go over the exam. (Half of you failed.)
It was in the textbook. (I pulled it out of thin air.)
I’m postponing today’s exam. (There’s stuff on the exam I forgot to cover.)
Don’t write on the question sheet. (I’m so lazy I just use the same exams every semester.)
From: http://www.mgmt.purdue.edu/faculty/rau/funny/profspeech.html
more at http://www.krannert.purdue.edu/faculty/rau/funny/funny.asp
唐伯虎V.S對穿腸
學生V.S老師
師：一卷二題共三問答不識四力五式六論竟只寫七八九字，十分不好！
生：十課九混總得八天七時六分五刻四秒尚且三摸二請，一等庸師！
（師：好樣的！.....整整你！）
師：一年四季，春夏秋冬，可笑學生，豈知春秋？
生：一地四方，東西南北，無恥教師，不識（是）東西！
（師怒） 師：教室裡，人不到，課不上，警告學生，此科必當！
生：課堂裡，書亂教，試亂考，靠背老師，你娘可好？
（師：孺子不可教也！）
師：十人必當：當混當睡當不來！
生：三願請求：求請求快求當我！
師：嗚~~~~我上流教學，獻出一身才學！
生：你下等劣容，露出半個光頭！
師：三生不幸出劣徒，難為汝師！
生：一時不慎選錯師，苦了我輩！
師：請你快走不強求！
生：我來旁聽硬要留！
師：影響教學我心愁！
生：換我來教你跳樓.......！
師：&^&^%$^*$*&^&%^$#$#@！From: http://www.poem.com.tw
Warm and fragrant memory of teaching
